Back Stories for Gods

Goddess Athena

Writing about characters who are gods includes noting something about their backgrounds. A problem which quickly crops up is that how the ancients viewed their divinities doesn’t really sit well with modern audiences. Zeus with His endless peccadillos and Hera (who’s His sister!) as the perpetually jealous spouse is one example. The late poet Robert Graves pointed out that one of the functions of myth is to justify an existing social system so the ancient myths say far more about the ancient Greeks than they do about the gods Themselves.

The simplest solution is of course rewrite the myths so they are more palatable for today’s readers (and make a little more sense). The tale of Semele, Dionysus’s mother, asking to see what Zeus’s true form was and getting fried as a result, with Dionysus subsequently being incubated in Zeus’s thigh has been changed to her dying in childbirth and Zeus’s son being given to Silenus to foster. The image of Athena popping full grown out of the head of Zeus after He swallowed Her mother Metis just to evade the prophecy of Her giving birth to a son that might overthrow him always seemed to have an element of the absurd about it. So I gave that a major rewrite in the following section from my book in progress.

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They were known by many names; the Moirai, the Parcae, the Sudice, the Norns. They existed in a place that was not a place, in the Otherworld yet not of it. Seated on a great dais suspended in the Otherworld mists, looming even mightier than the primeval Titans, They sometimes had the appearance of males but the majority of the time They were female, either taking the form of young or old women. An colossal tapestry inched its way out from Their hands, colors both worldly and unworldly spun with inconceivable intricacy, stretching out into the amorphous distance, even beyond Athena’s ability to see. So They had been weaving even before the beginning of time. They drew out thread, wove, adjusted, rethreaded and snipped implacably, seldom speaking, never stopping. When She came into Their presence, They rarely acknowledged Her.

It was a conceit of humans that the Moirai governed every moment of each human’s life from birth to death. To a certain extent that was true but Their constant weaving and reweaving ensured the coherence of the ever shifting universe. Because of that, mortals could freely choose the course of their lives within the confines of the laws of the material realm. Events affecting both mortals and divinities went into the tapestry, creating a pattern so complex even Athena for all Her wisdom could not fathom it. In Her early efforts to probe the essence of the Fates work, She once had a vision of the mighty tapestry reaching out into the measureless distance, merging with other tapestries woven by other Fates forming a thread which still mightier Fates took and wove with yet other threads into vaster tapestries in Their turn.

She had begun a tapestry of Her own in the hopes of counteracting Her Brother’s actions. But She had to be careful it did not work to cross purposes to anything the Moirai were creating. Sometimes She could catch a brief glimpse of the underlying harmony contained withing Their weavings. It finally occurred to Her that anything She did would simply be incorporated into Their own work. Better to save Her worries for what Her half-Brother meant to do. But She couldn’t shake Her anxiety.

“I weave to derail His plans.” She said, more to Herself than the Moirai. “But I have to be careful not to counteract what You are doing. He’s so certain what He’s doing is right. He doesn’t understand that events work themselves out of their own accord. It doesn’t need to be pushed or manipulated. We only need to work with what happens.”

The Moirai continued Their work on the endless tapestry, seemingly oblivious to Her. But She suspected They were listening. Her Father said They heard everything. At one time He had stood where She did, attempting to consult Them. He had returned with a scowl on His face. Either They never answered Him or the answer was not to His liking.

But Zeus had gone ahead with His War against the Titans so many ages ago certain He was doing the right thing, Her Mother Metis pushed aside when She attempted counseling against it. The schism this created between Them never healed. Athena watched sadly as Her Mother quit Her throne and left Olympus eventually Transcending, leaving Her Helmet, Shield and Great Owl for Her Daughter. The chaos set off by the overthrow of the Titans and the ending of the Golden Age took several millennium to stabilize. Hera became new co-ruler of Olympus with Zeus but the peace of the Golden Age was gone, replaced by a brittle calm. It would not always remain this way. There were Great Cycles within Great Cycles. The ancient harmony of old would return but in its own time and way. Her Brother’s efforts to rush it based on the signs He was convinced were there would only prolong the Age of Iron, not end it.

“He won’t listen.” She said quietly. “I’m the voice of the past. He thinks His is the future. What can I do to ensure His failure?”

She hadn’t expected any response from the Moirai. But one of the veiled figures, Clotho, suddenly turned towards Her and threw a spool of thread to Her. Although startled, She caught the spool deftly.

“Use or do not use. It is Your choice.” It was Atropos the Unturning Who spoke. The enormous figure resumed Her snipping and re-threading. It was the first time Athena had heard more than two words from any of Them.

The thread was darker than night. The spool would have fit in the hand of a human but was so heavy a half dozen would have been needed to lift it. Athena shuddered when She looked at it. Thread this dark could only have one purpose. But the Moirai said it would be Her choice. With the constant morphing of the vast tapestry under Their hands, nothing was truly carved in stone. Did this mean She could still turn events? She felt a scowl not unlike Her Father’s beginning to furrow Her brow. She relaxed Her face. Her father had no doubt received a similar enigmatic answer which would have infuriated Him. He preferred certainty to ambiguity. But Athena was more comfortable with uncertainty. She tucked the spool into her pouch.

Do not use. That would be Her goal. Stubborn like Their Father, Dionysus would plow ahead. Her task was to stymie his actions with so many obstacles, His plans would fall apart. Turning, She left the place which was not a place, through the Otherworld, back to Her pavilion, where a great loom awaited. She had the warp threads strung. Now for the weft. She pulled yarn out of the great ball beside Her seat. After hesitating, She took out the spool of black thread and after looking at it a moment, set it down beside the ball of yarn. Just in case. She thought. Just in case.

……………………

Developing characters – Simone

Bunchberry flowers

It’s challenging building characters for a novel, who are three dimensional, have realistic motivations and most importantly someone your readers will care about.

In the Age of Dionysus, I introduce the character Simone Smith.

…………….

Simone Smith stepped out of the taxi. The bright blue sign of Kilman’s restaurant hadn’t changed though they had altered much of the original brick facade to give it a more trendy look. After paying the driver, she walked over to the entrance. She could see her reflection in the glass, a slender brunette, her hair styled in a short bob. Dressed in a light blue jacket and matching pencil skirt, she looked the picture of health, though at one time it had been very different.

At once she saw Cleo Gallagher inside the door waving at her and smiled back. She hadn’t seen her wonderfully wacky New Age friend for nearly three years but the light brown bouffant hairdo was unmistakable. Her loud taste in clothing hadn’t changed either. She wore a retro look polka dot dress with chunky jewelry dangling around her neck and wrists. She quickly slide her heavily ringed hand around Simone’s arm.

“I’m so glad you were able to come. I managed to get a table reserved for us. I don’t know about you but I’m starving!”

Escorted by a waiter, they sat down at a place near the window. Simone was pleased to see the low key atmosphere hadn’t changed. No blaring televisions, only the sound of classical music quietly playing in the background. It was a light crowd with just a few children. Bright yellow gingham tablecloths added a cheerful look. As Simone took the menu the waiter handed her, she glanced up and saw Cleo smiling at her.

“Oh, my dear. You look absolutely wonderful. So what does this make? Two or three years cancer free?”

“Nearly three years now.” replied Simone. “The last tests came back negative and the oncologist said she couldn’t be more pleased. And so am I.”

“All the better reason to celebrate.” declared Cleo, picking up her own menu. “Are you still working for that idiot Peter Mitchell?”

“Well, yes. He’s still CEO at the consulting firm. And he’s really not that much of an idiot. A jerk, yes; but not an idiot.”

“I heard he just divorced that trophy wife of his, whats her name? Charlotte?”

“Yes and apparently he’s taken up with someone else, but I don’t know who. The rumor mill says it’s a friend of Charlotte’s but I can’t believe he’d be that dumb. Anyone who’s a witch like Charlotte would have friends just as bad as her. How can anyone as smart as him have such awful taste in women?”

“Oh, my dear Simone.” Laughed Cleo. “You wouldn’t believe how dumb some of the smartest men in the world are, especially when it comes to relationships. It’s a pretty safe bet he isn’t looking for a sterling character anyway, just someone who looks great hanging onto his arm.”

Simone rolled her eyes in agreement. The waiter returned for their orders. After he took their menus and went off with their requests, Cleo leaned towards Simone.

“I hate to ask this, but have you heard from Michael at all?”

“No.” Simone’s face tightened. “I haven’t heard from him in a few years and I don’t care if I never do again.”

“Oh, Lordy, I’m so sorry. I wish I hadn’t mentioned it.” Cleo’s face was stricken. “I was really hoping you two would eventually get back together but I guess my tarot cards were right.”

“No, that’s all right. The question would have come up eventually anyway. But it does still hurt. I guess I knew what was coming when he wouldn’t drive me to any of my appointments. Once I had the surgery, he was gone. Afraid of catching my cancer cooties, I guess.” Try as she might, she couldn’t keep the bitter note out of her voice. “My boss turned out to be the one who helped me through the whole process. I’m glad he did but it shouldn’t have fallen on him to have to do all that.”

“You’re still young, my dear. There’ll be other men. Have you started trying to date at all?”

“Well, I have gone out with Eric Stanford a few times.” A smile flickered across her face. “He knows about the cancer surgery and he does seem to like me a lot.”

“Eric…oh yes, I remember him. He’s a sergeant in the Army…”

“Colonel now.” laughed Simone. “He’s been moving up in the ranks pretty quickly.”

“Well, now, that sounds promising.”

“It does, but I can’t make up my mind about getting more serious with him. He’s been on three tours of duty already. I’d never know when he would get yanked out of my life by the Army and blown up by a roadside bomb in some God forsaken part of the world.”

“Honey, life is full of risks. You of all people should know that. But Eric sounds like a good bet to me. I know you don’t put much stock in my card reading but I could do one for you, or maybe a geomantic or horary chart.”

“No thanks. When I finally make up my mind, I don’t think the cards will have any affect on that. But what about you? Are you still going to set up shop in Queens?”

“Funny you should ask that.” Cleo’s face clouded with uncertainty. “I’ve been getting some funky readings both with the cards and my charts. They’re all saying its a bad idea at this time but I can’t figure out what the reasons are for it. I’m seeing some stuff I never saw before, like something big is coming, something really chaotic. I won’t bore you with the details but I’m going to have to talk to Mrs Tremblay. At 95 she’s seen just about everything. Maybe she can make some sense out of it.”

“Maybe something to do with those power black outs around the country? Right now they’re saying computer virus, but others are saying no.”

The waiter returned with their food and conversation slowed as they both began eating. Simone relished the baked potato, indulging herself with a dollop of sour cream. It was so nice to be able to enjoy food again without worrying about the nausea of chemo.

“I’ve been looking at the Tarot cards.” said Cleo between mouthfuls. “They say a great power is behind all this.”

“What do you mean? You mean like Russia or China? But I hear they’re having trouble too.”

“Not them. Someone or something else. The readings are funky just like when I ask if I should set up business in Queens. Nuts! I wish I could make more sense about this. But something strange is going on, that’s for sure.”

“Hmmph! Watch it turn out to be some dingy juvenile doing all that just because he can.”

Cleo laughed.

“It may just turn out to be that. I hope so. My readings are starting to scare me a little.”

“Let’s focus on our food.” replied Simone. “I rather enjoy the taste of my food rather than worry about something that may or may not happen.”

……………………………………………….

While the above passage doesn’t tell us about Simone’s childhood or family, we know she has been ill with cancer and is in remission. She is optimistic but still harbors bitter feelings towards an ex-boyfriend who deserted her during her illness. Her choice of friends is eclectic as she is shown renewing an old friendship with an eccentric New Age type of character. Simone herself has a practical outlook and prefers enjoying the little things rather than engage in wild speculations about current events (which are wilder than she realizes).

One thing we see is that while she is dating again, she is reluctant about committing. After having been burnt by a faithless boyfriend and blindsided by cancer, she is understandably hesitant about resuming her life, perhaps wondering if the rug is going to get snatched out from under her again.

As the novel unfolds, I will add more detail to her life and attitudes, and develop her as a sympathetic person a reader can identify with and root for. One major event in her life not mentioned here but will be later on is a tragic event early in her life where a deranged relative murdered her parents. This traumatic incident will also color her attitudes as the story progresses.

Next month, I will introduce another character who’s quite a bit different from Simone.

Yarrow flower

The Deeds of Gods – Part one

Divinities both great and small populate the pages of the novel I am working on. They are not portrayed as all powerful but they are definitely Beings to be reckoned with. Dionysus drives the action of the story which shows the effects of what He does both on mortals and on other gods. His goal is to usher out the Age of Iron and bring in the new Age of Gold, completing a primeval cycle and starting a new one. His ambition is to be head of the Gods of that new age just as His father Zeus commanded the ages previous to that. As you might imagine, some of the current gods take exception to this but others welcome His actions. Below is some sample text. I’ll post the second half in a few weeks.

The god Dionysus

Dionysus stood on a stony shore of Baffin Bay waiting. It was a bleak isolated spot, unspoiled by human habitation. Grey hills sprinkled with snow loomed around Him. While the air was chilly, the ice that normally filled the bay was gone, sea birds skimming the waters. Low hanging dark clouds spitting sleet and fat raindrops came and went. A pale gray arctic fox paused and stared at Him, then seemed to shrug its furry shoulders and went along its business. The carcass of a polar bear lay yards away from Him, a flock of skuas, ravens and other scavengers feeding on it. A few seals popped up in the waters and dove back under, their faces momentarily having a human look. But the face He was watching for was neither a seal’s nor human.

He saw Her finally, surfacing and swimming in His direction. She slowly heaved Her massive body up onto the stony beach, a sack clutched in Her teeth. Black wet braids trailed along the ground. Her face had sacred markings tattooed on her dark skin . Short stubby fingers on Her front flippers gripped at the stones as She pulled Herself close to Dionysus and dropped the sack before Him.

“I only found the greaves.” Spoke Takannaaluk in a thick echoing voice. “I had the fish search for other parts but if there are other surviving pieces of Your Brother’s armor, they have not fallen into My domain.”

“This is actually more than I hoped for. Ares journeyed through all the mortal realms, avoiding our Father who insisted it was time to fully transition to the Otherworld. I’m not sure why He broke the Armor up and scattered it, unless it was to spite Zeus.”

“You best hope He didn’t drop any in Pele’s domain. She would have made short work of them in Her fire-pits.”

“If She finds them, She certainly will. But breaking the Armor up as He did makes it impossible to detect the pieces unless you are right on top of them.”

“True enough.” replied Takannaaluk. “I only chanced on the greaves after I had sunk a fishing trawler for violating sacred waters. Their nets had accidentally snagged them from the sea bed.”

“I thank you for contacting me.” said Dionysus, removing the greaves from the coarse woven sack. They gleamed a brilliant gold but the metal was Otherworldly in Its hardness. Hephaestus never did second rate work if He could help it. “What reward do you wish for your assistance?”

“Only that you put an end to the vile creations of humans that devastate My ocean. Their disgusting plastics, the nets which will not break down catching the innocent in their mindless grip. The huge boats with their stinking oils, poisonous radiation and endless streams of waste of every sort. I will be many centuries cleaning up after them.” Her voice grew mournful. “The many animals whose like will not be seen again; the Sea Cows, the Great Auks, the mighty whales who dwindle every year. Fah! If all the humans died, I would gladly celebrate their extinction. But you’ll want worshipers, I suppose.”

“Most gods do. But the number of humans will be greatly reduced. And I will teach them to honor our Mother Earth. You’ll be glad to hear I’ve already decontaminated many radioactive sites including a few underwater. It will take some time to eliminate them all but Gaia will be cleaner for it.”

“That sounds like a good start. Manannan mac Lir showed up recently at the borders of my domain warning me of the hazards of aiding you. I thought He had His nerve, telling me what I should or shouldn’t do. He’s not the god His father was, but Lir moved into the Otherworld long ago. Now there was a sea god! His son can’t hold a candle to Him. I threatened to eat Him if He kept bothering me. So He left.” Takannaaluk smiled grimly, Her razor sharp teeth gleaming. “If He thinks the humans are so wonderful, let Him be the one to clean up their messes.”

“There are many Who cling to the old order of things, my Sister among them. But times have changed. It’s clear the Age of Iron has reached its end point. If the Golden Age is to have a clean start, it’s necessary to wipe out the artifacts of the Iron Age. But I expect a good deal of resistance to that and not just from the Lesser Ones. Humans will fight tooth and nail to keep things the way they are, even if it does reduce Mother Earth to a waste land. They will certainly pray to their gods for assistance.”

“I wish them good luck with that!” snorted Takannaaluk. “Many of Them have either gone to the Otherworld or stopped listening to Their followers because the humans think they themselves own the world and can do whatever they want. If they pray at all, it’s only when it’s an emergency and they want something. They’ve forgotten that it’s a partnership, that they must give if they wish to receive. Teach them that if you teach them anything.”

“I will.” replied Dionysus, placing the greaves back in the pouch and slinging it over His shoulder. “Keep your ears open and let me know if you hear rumors of where the other Armor parts may be.”

“I shall.” said Takannaaluk. She heaved Her bulk around and crawled back into the ocean. Dionysus Himself vanished in a spray of golden light.

A raven, swallowing gobbets of meat from the dead polar bear, watched with a beady eye until He was sure the two gods had disappeared. Then leaving the carcass to the other scavengers, He flew into the air and headed towards Ireland with a speed far greater than any ordinary bird could achieve.

On the northwest coast of Ireland, Manannan sat on the grassy hillside above the Arranmore Lighthouse, whittling a large chunk of driftwood, the sound of crashing surf off in the distance. His reddish brown beard and mustache were neat in appearance. His dark hair, held in place with a headband, flowed over his shoulders. He wore a homespun shirt delicately embroidered with interlaced birds, their legs and wings woven in a complex design, His dark rugged breeches also homespun. The sea breeze teased a few stray locks of His beard. Hearing the sea gulls squawk in alarm, He glanced up. He watched as a raven dove out of the heavens at break neck speed. Just as it seemed the bird would shatter itself on the hardscrabble shore, it came up short, changed into a coyote and approached Manannan.

“Hail Brother.” It cried. “Greetings, He-Who-Wears-The-Drab-Coat.”

“Well, now.” laughed Manannan. “It’s been a while since anyone has called me that! So, Brother Coyote. What news do you bring?”

“Nothing good, I fear.” As He spoke, Coyote took on the form of a human with dusky skin, His face generously coated with bear grease some of which He wiped away and sucked off His finger. He wore buckskin richly decorated with beads and embroidery. “Takannaaluk found the greaves of Ares’ Armor and has given them to Dionysus.”

“I was afraid of that.” Glowered Manannan. “I suppose it was too much to hope She would heed my warning.”

“Is it true She threatened to eat you?”

“She did hint I was a tasty looking morsel.” Laughed Manannan. “She’s like the other giants; the Jotnar, Gigantes, Nephelim – all with vast appetites and all very old. She remembers how it was before humans. If She thinks Dionysus will bring any of that back with His new Golden Age, then yes, she’s going to help Him no matter what I tell Her.”

He set down the little wooden carving He had been working on, a child’s toy rocking horse. Coyote eyed it with interest.

“Nice. Is a blessed event in the offing for You and Your Wife?”

“Not that She’s told me. This is for some humans who live down the way and still put out offerings for the Good Folk. They’ve been childless a long time but the husband has been pestering my Wife and Me with prayers so I did an unbinding charm to open up his wife’s womb. She’ll be giving him the good news tonight, I think. I’ll leave this on their doorstep. They’ve done enough good work for the land, they deserve a reward for it.”

“I’ll head down south and visit my cousin Spider. See if He’s heard any interesting rumors.”

“I’ll go tell Athena about this latest news. She won’t be happy.”

“Is She ever happy? I don’t think I’ve ever seen Her crack a smile.”

“Of course She smiles and laughs.” Manannan leaned forward and lowered His voice. “Of course it helps if a certain Someone would refrain from taking rabbit form and leaving droppings in that kibble stuff She gives Her owl.”

“Why does everybody look at Me when stuff like that happens?” Coyote exclaimed, His tone injured. “Let’s face it, when She has a lot of tricksters around, She has to expect that sort of thing. Not that I would do anything like that!”

“Of course not, an honorable fellow like you?” replied Manannan facetiously. “Just remember She knows how to get Her own back.”

“Oh? …. Oh!” Coyote’s eyes widened. “Well, that might explain the porcupine quills in my sleeping mat last night! Man, I was hours picking those things out. Ha! That was a good one! Didn’t know the old girl had it in Her. Well, I’m off!” He shifted back to raven form. “I’ll get a message to you if I hear anything.”

Launching Himself into the air, Coyote streaked towards the south. Once He was gone, Manannan shifted Himself to the Otherworld and entered the quiet park where Athena was busy working over Her loom.

Trickster Coyote

To be continued ….

An Excerpt from The Age Of Dionysus

As mentioned in a posting earlier this summer, I am writing a magical realism novel, The Age Of Dionysus.The first rough draft is largely complete. Now comes the part of revision, adjusting plot lines, developing (or eliminating) characters. As the first draft has gotten rather long, I have started a process of diagramming the various plot threads to ensure continuity; making sure for example that plot development C happens after A and B, not before, making sure characters don’t make an appearance after they have been bumped off, or suddenly pop out of nowhere before they have been properly introduced. Plot inconsistencies can disrupt the narrative for readers, so diagramming is really essential in keeping track of everything.

The premise in the book is that gods and other supernatural beings are real. One god in particular, Dionysus drives the plot. He is convinced that theAge Of Iron is coming to a close and a new Golden Age is about to dawn. With that in mind, He intends to put Himself in a position where He will be the top divinity. However as often happens, the best laid plans of gods and men don’t always work out as intended. The novel details the effects His actions have on people and the world at large.

Below is an excerpt from early in the book which takes place in Manhattan. The character Jillian West is a young fashion model. Charles Belliers is a talent scout for the agency employing her. Belliers is also a sexual predator, who routinely harasses the models in the agency, secure in the knowledge that he won’t get fired because of ‘people he knows’. Belliers attempts to sexually assault Jillian but she is rescued when Dionysus (posing as a mortal) unexpectedly shows up. The excerpt picks up where Dionysus and Jillian leave.

Note: The wine Charles finds is Maenad wine. In the novel, there are three levels of this wine which are all highly intoxicating as they are laced with narcotics. Level Three is the heavy duty stuff. Only highly trained Maenads are supposed to touch this stuff. If you are not an initiate and drink this…well….

Note: All characters are strictly fictional and not based on real people. In other words if you think Charles is based on you, please get psychiatric help. If you think you are Dionysus, definitely get help!

Note: Text is rated ‘R’ for nudity and potty language.

“I’ll get you a cab.” Said Dionysus as He and Jillian went back downstairs. “Do you think you’ll be all right?”

“Only if that pig doesn’t come after me. I don’t know how you knew I was in trouble but thank you! Thank you!”

“Charles will be having other problems before too long. He’s his own worst enemy in the end. But I can promise you, you won’t need to worry about him coming after you.”

“I hope you’re right. That was no idle threat he made, you know. I don’t know if I could file charges against him. It’s my word against his. I’d have to fight the whole way and even then the case would probably get dismissed.” She wiped angry tears from her face. “ Guys like him always seem to get away with stuff and nobody does anything about it.”

Now outside, Dionysus flagged down a cab, paid the driver for her, then handed a small business card to her.

“That’s my phone number. If you have any problems, and somehow I don’t think you will, just call me.”

“Thank you.” She looked hesitantly up at him. “Will I be seeing you again tomorrow?”

The smile on Dionysus’s face was glorious, washing away all the terror she had felt earlier.

“I can guarantee it.”

………………………..

Upstairs,Charles fumed as he zipped up his pants. This evening was a bust for sure. Would that bitch file charges? Sometime they did, sometime they didn’t. And how did that Greek prick get in here anyway? He was sure he had locked the door from the inside. Maybe he hadn’t fully latched it somehow. Looking at his hands he realized they were shaking not with rage but with terror. Dionysus had held him up like he was a kitten and hadn’t even broken into a sweat. How strong was that guy anyway?

More as a way to distract himself than out of a sense of tidiness, he began picking up the clothes rack. As he did so, he noticed a bottle of uncorked wine with a gleaming wine glass beside it sitting on the table where Jillian had stuck her drink. Where did that come from? He hadn’t noticed Dionysus carrying anything. Had he put it there? Charles could smell the wine tantalizing his nose. Going over, he poured half a glassful and looked at it.

The strangely alluring wine was dark garnet. He sniffed at it. It smelled like wine and yet it didn’t. Against his better judgment he took a swallow. And almost immediately regretted it. He coughed and spluttered. What the hell was this shit? He looked at the label. The lettering was in Greek and the picture on the label showed a mosaic image of a naked guy riding a lion or something. Some local artisan brew maybe? He licked his lips and after a moment took another sip.

To his amazement, the second swallow was better. It still tasted like something burped out of the Okefenokee Swamp but it really wasn’t that bad. A fine patina of sweat began forming on his skin. He drank the rest of the glass trying to analyze the flavor. He fancied himself a wine connoisseur but this tasted like nothing he had ever drunk before. After a moment, he poured a second glass all the way to the top. By the time he finished it, he had forgotten about Dionysus. The third glass made him forget about Jillian. After the fourth, he tossed the wineglass and began drinking directly from the bottle.

By the time he polished off the last drop, a blinding insight came to him. What the hell were clothes for? All this high fashion stuff was pure shit. Why was he even wasting a moment of his time with this? After chucking the empty bottle into a waste basket,he began peeling off his clothes and was amazed at how much better he felt totally naked. He should have done this a long time ago! He started walking toward the door but the floor seemed to have acquired an annoying tilt. Staggering he grabbed at a mannequin but its arm came off and he nearly fell. Righting himself he stared at the mannequin’s arm for a moment. On impulse he used it to scratch first his back then his groin. He began giggling like a village idiot. This was fun! He was going to take it home with him.

Something about the locked door bothered him but he couldn’t remember what it was. But he finally got it open and padded out into the hall. Getting off the studio carpeting and onto the linoleum in the hall chilled his feet but he made up his mind not to whine about it. Isn’t that what you got calluses for? It was probably a nice evening and his apartment in New Jersey wasn’t that far so he decided to walk home.

Nathan Jackson sat in the security office reading a girlie magazine. He had seen Dionysus and Jillian leave on the security cameras. The sight made him sigh. There he goes again, this time with a hot redhead. All the girls were buzzing about this guy and it wasn’t hard to understand why. Some people had all the luck, he thought with gloomy envy, this Greek guy was a major chick magnet and he couldn’t even get the waitress at the restaurant to look twice at him. He buried his face deeper into the magazine. Two of the security cameras were out again, he’d have to do something about that. Engrossed in the centerfold he failed to notice the functional camera showing the talent agent strolling down the stairs. But the security office door was open so Nathan spotted Charles’ s naked ass out of the corner of his eye just as Belliers exited the building.

“Shit!” swore Nathan tossing down the magazine and sprinting out the door after him.

“Sir! Sir!” He caught up with Belliers starting to make a right turn. Charles had a mannequin’s arm propped on his shoulder. “It’s kind of chilly out here. Don’t you think you better put a coat on?”

“What the hell for?” Belliers glared at him affronted. The wine fumes he exhaled made Nathan’s eyes water. “It’s a nice night. I’m walking home.”

The temperature read 55 degrees Fahrenheit the last time Nathan looked at the thermometer. This guy was definitely not feeling anything. The weird thing was, he seemed to be sweating a lot.

“I really think you should put something on, sir.” He took hold of Belliers’ arm, trying to steer him back into the building. “You left your coat in the cloak room. At least put that on.” There was a glazed mad look in Belliers’ eyes that reminded Nathan of a YouTube video he had seen showing a rabid raccoon.

Belliers ignored him. Instead he began staring in fascination at the marquee canopy shielding the entrance. He shook off Nathan’s hand.

“Hey! Look at the fucking trampoline!” He screeched like a kid. Before Nathan could stop him, he tossed the mannequin’s arm into Nathan’s face and began clambering up the side of the building, grasping the concrete facade indentations with his fingers and toes like a squirrel. Throwing aside the arm, Nathan lunged at him but although Belliers was in his fifties and overweight, he was shockingly nimble, evading the security guard’s attempts to grab his ankles.

It was at this critical juncture that the squad car containing Officers Joseph Burrows and Jacob Armstrong came cruising by. It was rookie Jacob’s first evening on the job. His field training officer Joseph had driven him around showing him the basics. They ticketed a few speeders but otherwise it had been quiet so Joseph spent most of the time telling Jacob his personal war stories. It was nearing the end of their shift.

“I think tomorrow I’ll let you do the driving. Do you have any questions?”

“Um, yeah.” Said Jacob looking out the car window at the fashion agency they were driving by. “Why is that naked guy climbing up the building?”

“Aw shit.” groaned Joseph. “Ok, here’s where it gets interesting.” He pulled the squad car over to the curb. “Make sure your gun is tucked out of sight. He’s probably drunk or high. The last thing we want is for him to get hold of a gun, especially if he’s combative.”

“Right.” After putting in a call to the dispatcher, they exited the car and approached cautiously. By now Charles was balanced precariously on the edge of the door canopy gauging how far to jump. The guy trying to coax him down was building security. He noted Joseph and Jacob nearing with obvious relief.

“He’s blotto and I can’t get him to come down. I’m calling 911, if that’s ok.”

“Fine.” said Officer Joseph, not taking his eyes off the nude guy who looked like he was getting ready to jump onto the canopy. “Hey, friend, you may not want to do that. I don’t think it’ll hold you.”

Belliers was in too exalted a state to pay any attention to the annoying people shouting at him from the sidewalk. The canopy seemed to ripple an invitation to jump on it. With a joyous shriek he launched himself and landed spreadeagled on the canvas. While it didn’t rip, it abruptly folded around him and the entire canopy frame collapsed. The two officers used the opportunity to jump on him and hold him down.

It turned out to be more difficult than they thought. Belliers fought like a demon to extricate himself from the canopy, swearing a blue streak the whole time. Jacob and Joseph tried to use the canvas to hold the drunken man in place but Charles had little trouble ripping through the material. With regret, Joseph pulled out his taser and tried subduing him. Belliers jerked a little from the zaps but otherwise seemed unaffected. He didn’t even grunt but his flailing grew wilder.

By now two foot patrol cops had shown up and added their muscle to the struggle. The security guard joined in. Jacob’s jaw took a painful clip from the drunk’s fist. There were five guys holding onto him but Belliers still kept trying to get up. The wine fumes added a rank smell to the air but the rookie began suspecting the subject was intoxicated on more than just booze. The swearing was giving way to an incoherent babbling that sounded like the glossolalia Jacob used to hear as a kid at the evangelical meetings his parents attended.

“Shit! Watch it!” yelled one of the cops. “He’s pissing a bucket!”

A stream of urine soared into the air, spraying back and forth like a lawn sprinkler as Belliers continued struggling.

The ambulance finally pulled up. Fortunately whatever alcoholic dynamo was powering Charles began winding down and they were able to finally load him onto the stretcher where the EMT’s firmly strapped him in place. As the ambulance drove off, Jacob and Joseph looked mournfully down at their urine soaked uniforms.

“He hosed us pretty good, didn’t he?” Said Jacob.

“That he did, little buddy.” replied Joseph shaking his head. “Good thing our shift is just about over.”

“I wish ours was.” said one of the street cops. Their uniforms were wet as well.

On the way back to headquarters, they had to lower the windows to air out as much of the remarkably pungent urine smell as they could.

“Well, that was interesting.” remarked Jacob laconically putting on some nitrile gloves they had in the car.

“That it was.” Replied Joseph, who then laughed. “Never a dull moment in the Big Apple, kid! Never a dull moment.”

Mosaic of god Dionysus